the city's in surrender

Saturday, February 09, 2008

It's 3.33am right now. Normally, I would freak out at this time, because it's the "Devil's hour". (No thanks to Emily Rose)

But now, I'm slightly less afraid of this number because it's Jae's favourite number.

You have no idea what your one text meant to me.
I thought everything had been left behind the day I axed the msn window.
I thought the thirst for you were just a figment of my overactive imaginatoin.

We're oceans apart, yet you still make my heart skip a beat, no, make that 98475641231 beats everytime I get reminded of you.

Why do you do this to me.

STOP EATING AWAY AT MY SANITY.

@ 11:42 AM

Friday, January 25, 2008

Happy 23rd Birthday, Jaejoong ah.

It has been 211 days(1st July 2007- January 26th 2008 and still counting) since I've been in this fandom. Happy times, sad times. I found myself facing problems that I've never faced before, like trying to save up $170 to buy a photobook because it featured my favourite boys in my favourite country (coughFrancecough). Just the thought of them boys having fun, making merry in the city of Romance coughPariscough, is enough to make me go ballistic. In a good way, of course.

Then there was the time where I crossed the country's border just to see them in the flesh. A mean feat for just someone of age fifteen like me. But I did it anyway. I've always told myself, When there's a will, there's a way. And I did it. Singapore is small, and what are the chances of them ever coming here to have a concert? Close to zero. But i'll still cling onto that hope. That night was a blast, and everything felt like a dream. You were close to ethereal, you. And now I know why people who see you for the first time felt that you were cold; cos I did.

Of course, recently, the Jaemin car accident. I was shocked and worried. But just someone saying "They're fine." is good enough for me. I know that you're strong enough to withstand everything.

Kissしたまま、さよなら. The song which brought tears to my eyes within ten seconds of the introduction. I want to thank you and chun for writing this melancholic masterpiece which will, and shall top the list of my favourite songs. A cry from your heart, is how they describe your last さよなら.

You have no idea how much light you brought to my life. Life last year was tough. And I had nothing to live for. This fandom changed my life. Now, I have something to look forward to everyday, something to smile for everyday, and something to live for. Say that I'm shallow, I don't care, I just want to say that you changed my life.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm like that. Being manipulated by a fandom. It's crazy, I know. But everyone's born different. If I gain happiness and meaning from this, who are people to say that I'm an ignoramus?

Sometimes, I waver. My faith runs low, and I don't know what to do. Then I'll need my daily "dong bang dose". Which is like, my petroleum if I were a car. A necessity, even. I love my fandom, and I don't care even if I have to scrimp and save just to buy all three versions of an album. Because I was born like that. Born to love people whom I'm not supposed to. And born to admire, appreciate peoples' work more than others and from another perspective.

Jaejoong ah, you really have no idea how much change you've brought to my life.

생일 축하 해 재중아,

사랑해요 영원히.

Happy 22nd/23rd birthday, Jaejoong ah. (:

@ 5:05 PM

Friday, December 28, 2007

I'm pissed, thank you very much.

@ 11:20 AM

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Since 2003.12.26

Take this as a bookmark.

Today is the 179th day I've officially been in the fandom.

It's the 1424th day since God decided to bestow upon us five extraordinary boys that do extraordinary things.

I may never know the boys personally, but if I could, I want to thank them for being alive.

Me being in this fandom; I've learnt a lot, lost a lot (money T-T) and gained a lot.

First of all, I've learnt a lot of Korean culture, more happenings in the music industry, and I learnt that a lot of politics are involved in this; not only rabid fangirls fawning over their every single step.

I've definitely spent more than I should. I'm heavily in debt now. T_T

And I've gained a lot. I've gained friends from all over the world, I've gained a lot of strength, and I've gained a lot of knowledge.

It's a good thing, really, being in this fandom.

I hope it will last, because four years, in my opinion, is too short.

I've lost 1245 days not knowing them.

At least let me make up for that 1245 days, okay?

@ 12:03 AM

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

That was the last straw. I've had enough of it.

I'm going to be moving over THOROUGHLY to my LJ. I'm not even gonna post here anymore.

It sucks to be me, really.

Have someone stalk your blog, take your content, and only to find it again on the person's blog?

Not cool man.

Not cool.

I'm not even gonna bother to rant here anymore. There's no freakin' point. Will blog again at my LJ.

Goodbye, missegoistic; I will be back when people's memories of this blog disappear into thin air.

Have fun stalking! Not only am I going to F-lock my LJ, but I'm also gonna password protect the whole damn thing if it's possible.

If all fails, I will have to blog on my IPLE which is..in Korean and none of you would understand. Don't even try to access it.

Goodbye, ~~for now.~~

@ 10:45 AM

Monday, December 17, 2007

credits: iheartuknow@lj

My Post on Soompi:

Well.. regarding the Soulmates tattoo, as much as I'm glad that the truth is out, I can't help be feel a little disappointed.I've believed in Jaejoong and Yoochun being soulmates since I've got to know them because the both of them seem to have this connection.

Their sad pasts and childhoods; it's almost as if they were really meant to be soulmates.

I felt really happy for Jaejoong and Yoochun because it's really hard to find a soulmate, especially when they are celebrities like that.

I felt comforted when I used to think, "Oh, we shouldn't pity the Jaejoong and Yoochun for not being able to have a social life when they are soulmates! They have each other, and they even have a tattoo to seal their close relationship as best friends; soulmates."

I don't know why, but I feel as if a chunk of my admiration for pairings have been chopped off just like that, and I can't look at Jaejoong and Yoochun's friendship the same way anymore.

What's their Soulmate couple without that Soulmate tattoo to actually prove and support things? (Yeah, they do show affection for each other sometimes.. but still. It's really the tattoo that makes me believe their brothership a little more,no?)

That might have came off a little too harsh, but Jaechun was really the best couple, best-friends and brotherly relationship wise I truly believed in.

Once again, I thank all of you for letting the truth come to light, but I think that I would really be better off living in my own stupid world, still foolishly believing in Jaechun being Soulmates.

Now that the truth is out, I figured I can't think that way anymore.Oh, how I wish I didn't know. But the truth hurts, sometimes.

----

It's three in the morning (again), and I'm feeling weird. I'm munching on cold, hard, shaker fries that Janson(idkw i have to call him Janson when Jung Seon is a nice name T_T) oppa delivered to me for dinner. I feel so loved zomg. But we all know he's being nice to me only because his girlfriend told him too. Karen, you lucky lass.

and no, I didn't eat them for dinner. It's more like, really early breakfast now?

I'm upset;

About stupid Soulmates Jaechun now.

Kill me prz.

@ 10:34 AM

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Happy Belated 21st Birthday Junsu and Junho!

12.17

---

Happy 17th Birthday, Jaejin!

12.17

Oh heavens. I feel so sick and crappy imma puke out my internal organs soon. Let's pray that I don't die before Christmas cos I wanna eat turkey.

Ginseng is BAD. The stupid stupid stupid stupid Red Ginseng Chocopie totally worsened my headache. And it doesn't help that the freakin Ginseng taste is still in my mouth.

I need to start sleeping right soon. For the past six weeks, having to sleep at 5 in the morning and waking up at 1 in the afternoon is taking a toll on my stupid body. I've been trying to get my bio clock back on track, and yeah, it's easy so I guess I would be living right soon. Past two nights of DB marathon with Boo isn't exactly the healthiest, sleep in the morning at six, and waking up at.. I have no idea. One in the afternoon?

It's almost three in the morning now and I'm about to die from my headache. Doesn't half help I just finished watching Cars and Supersize Me back to back.

Imma try to sleep now.

@ 10:23 AM